Happy Monday, friends!
After a recent Instagram post I got a lot of questions about where I am and why. So today I will be sharing a long overdue blog post on what’s going on as far as my personal life goes and sharing with you my struggle with anxiety.
Posting outfit inspiration is so much fun, but what I really love is connecting with you all and I don’t feel like I do that like I want to. SO today I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and getting real with y’all. Today I’m answering your questions and sharing where I am right now in life, and what led me here. I’ll be talking about a couple of big life changes and how I’m handling everything. I will also share with you my struggles with anxiety. Loaded blog post today so grab a cup of coffee, a cozy blanket, and let’s talk life.
Big Change Number One
May 25, 2018 – I turned in the keys to my 3rd grade classroom of 3 years, and I said goodbye to some of my dearest teacher friends. On that day I closed the door on a very important part of my life, and opened another door to the adventure of a lifetime – traveling the country with my husband, Zach, and our 3 yr. old golden doodle, Cooper.
Q: Was it hard leaving the teaching profession?
A: Yes, absolutely. I have LOVED these past 3 years working at a wonderful Elementary school and teaching some of the sweetest children! Packing up my classroom and knowing that I wouldn’t be unpacking come the new school year and hearing everyone talk about how “next year” they’ll teach this first in Math or not do that field trip “next year” made me sad because I was no longer a part of their “next year.”
Q: Do you miss teaching?
A: Not gonna lie, when everyone started posting their classrooms all decorated and back to school memes, I had MAJOR FOMO! I was missing out on catching up with everyone, hearing about their summers and just all of the excitement that comes with getting ready for back to school. I also miss that feeling I got knowing I was helping the future leaders of the world. As cliché as that sounds – it’s true. I love helping people in general and without teaching I feel like I’m not anymore. But then I think about my blog and how I strive to help anyone who reads it even if it’s just one person. Last but not least, I miss getting to see my students from previous years in the hallway as well as my sweet teacher friends that made my 3 years of teaching a time I will never, ever forget.
May 27, 2018 – I boarded the plane with my husband and dear friends to embark on an unforgettable 2 week trip to Italy. I would drop everything and go back tomorrow if I could.
Big Change Number Two
June 22, 2018 – Zach and I hugged our parents and said farewell to Nashville as it was time to start the next chapter of our lives in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. We loaded up the truck with our personal belongings (mine consisted of mostly clothes if I’m being honest). If it didn’t fit in the truck then we didn’t take it. We filled up the truck with gas and headed North.
Q: Why Cape Cod?
A: Zach graduated with his Doctorate in Physical Therapy in May and shortly after accepted a job with a traveling company that sends therapists to clinics in need of extra help. Cape Cod needed help, we always wanted to visit, so we accepted the job & off we went. The cool/stressful thing is that we move every 13 weeks to a new location! Crazy to think that we are almost at the end of our adventure here on the Cape!
Q: How’s the weather in comparison to Nashville?
A: Short answer. AMAZING! Humidity isn’t really a thing here so there’s never a bad hair day (well, never a bad hair day due to humidity… 🙂 ) The beaches are beautiful and most days its sunny & 80 degrees which is perfect in my book!
Q: What are you doing while Zach works?
A: First, I am so thankful that I married a man who works so hard to provide for his family and loves his job as much as he does. I’ve been able to focus more on blogging and connecting with others through social media. I’ve also been babysitting part time which is great! I love being around children, and it makes not being in the classroom a little more bearable.
Q: Where are you going next?
A: We aren’t 100% sure where just yet. We’re thinking Florida, but won’t know for a couple more weeks.
Q: How did you handle all of those big life changes!?
A: I’m still attempting to handle them! I went through many different emotions on our nearly 24-hour drive to Cape Cod. (Don’t worry, we stopped several times and stayed in a hotel one night). Try being excited, nervous, scared, sad, tired, happy, anxious, simultaneously. Holy emotions, right? I tried talking through all of them with Zach, but when I get overwhelmed I shut down. Anyone else do that? Soooo for the first couple days being on the Cape I shut down, didn’t talk about why I was crying, smiling -laughing – crying all the way here. I didn’t know how to. Then I read a quote that said “Talk it out | It’s better than holding it in.” It may have taken me this long to figure it all out (well, kind of), but I’m going to talk it out with you in the form of a letter.
We meet again. But this time, you aren’t getting the best of me. I’m going to kick you out quicker than it took you to work your way in. What am I feeling right now? I feel worried, worried that if something were to happen to my friends or family I wouldn’t be able to get to them as quick as I’d like because of the distance. Wait a minute… all I’d have to do is buy a ticket and I’m on the next flight to wherever they are. Okay, I feel better about that one.
Wait, now I feel happy. Happy to have gotten to spend an entire summer at one of my favorite places: THE BEACH! Lucky to get to explore a new place with Zach! Happy because the weather here is so much better than the weather in Nashville! They’re calling high 80’s a “heat wave” here right now! Ha! If they only knew!
I’m scared, scared about being by myself for the majority of the day. Will I make friends? Will I get out of the house? I’m terrible at directions, am I going to get lost getting around town? Really Abie? There’s this thing called GPS. Plus, I have Cooper (who is a great listener by the way). But what if I leave the house and something happens to Cooper while I’m gone and there’s no one around to help? Never ending scenarios running through my head 24/7. And, yes, I will get out of the house because we don’t have a washer and dryer so I’ll have to go to the laundry mat. (that’s a lot of fun!) Oh! And coffee! That’ll get me out of the house too! Starbucks on speed dial! Okay, feeling better again.
Why, Anxiety, do you feel like you can just come in and wreck my world? Keep me up at night starring at the ceiling because if I close my eyes you creep in and start firing off all sorts of “what ifs.” . Like last night I couldn’t go to sleep because I was thinking “What if, I had to choose between Zach or Cooper? One lived, one died. Obviously I would pick Zach but then the thought of losing Cooper brought me to tears. WHEN on EARTH would I EVER have to make that kind of decision!? Looking back now I know how silly it was but in the moment You, anxiety, YOU put that thought in my mind & just sat back, legs crossed, laughing, at the mess you put me in.
You want to know what I think ? I think you prey on the strongest humans. You come in all different forms but one way or another you try to BREAK me down to where there’s nothing but tears and sleepless nights. Make me worry about things that are completely out of my control, or put a million scenarios in my head that would never happen but you somehow make me feel like it could. You like to make me think I’m helpless and can’t do anything but sit and wallow in my own self-pity or hide behind a “Netflix” series where I don’t move for hours simply because I’m not motivated to do anything else. Do I want you? No, absolutely not but it feels like you’re impossible to turn off and actually have the ability to think logically in the moment. In summary, Anxiety, You are one mean S.O.B.
Whoa, I’m glad I got that off my chest. Do I feel better? Yes. For the moment, I have defeated you. and that feels great. Until next time…
Your biggest enemy,
I write this not for pity but to be a voice of those who suffer from anxiety. We live in a world that has us afraid to talk about anything that shows we aren’t perfect. Admitting you suffer from anxiety isn’t easy. For people that don’t, when you talk about it they just look at you like, “ha, yeah right?” or think we’re just being dramatic.
For those of you reading this that have the luxury of not knowing what it’s like. Let me try to break it down for you. Ever get that feeling when you leave the house and feel like you’ve forgotten something but can’t remember what it is, and you’re worrying about it all dang day? Or the mini heart attack that happens when walking down the stairs and you miss a step, but your heart never calms down and the butterflies never go away? That’s just a glimpse of what it’s like.
But we shouldn’t feel like we can’t talk about it. I want us to break that mold of hiding our insecurities and struggles. If we talked about it more then maybe less people would take their own lives or the lives of others. It’s my hope today that by sharing my story of how I struggle with anxiety that it will help someone else know they aren’t alone in this fight and speak out about their struggles as well. Let’s focus on lifting each other up – not breaking one another down! If you are someone struggling with anxiety – or anything for that matter – please know that you are NOT ALONE. I am here for you and would love to chat! Let’s get to talking people!
Now that you’re all caught up (sorry for being so long winded) haha but if you have any questions or comments please feel free to leave them below! Thanks for stopping by!